You will always remember what you were doing when it hurt the most

Chronic depression is a bitch. Luckily I have friends to help me through it, and what I believe was the evening of May 29 2018 isn’t an exception. I wanted to be around friends, and went to a house and spent a little while writing a short story based on a writing prompt generator. I’m a little unclear on how it was presented at the time, but what I wrote as a reminder was:

Locker Room

Co-Stars

Ancient Rome

Obliviousness

Love spell

You will always remember what you were doing when it hurt the most

The following little story is the result. Prior to this release, Nov 3 2022, the only person who had read it was my friend that night.

An unrelated picture of Shia the Cat

The crowd roared, drowning out the lions cavorting with the world's largest ball of string. That idea almost hadn't made it to the arena in the first place; the traditionally blood-soaked games had a seemingly infinite variety, and straying outside the combat genre had been a risk. The owners had been persuaded to try it, though, and now Big Kitty Ball Time was a weekly draw. The stadium was full. Rich patrons wanted their own, more house-sized lions, and house-sized balls of string.

Loryn idly twirled a gladius in the semi-dark of the locker room. So far the Big Kitty Ball had always immediately preceded her act, and so she hadn't been able to see it herself. She could only imagine the dance of paws and ball...

Cassandra sauntered in from the arena, arresting Loryn's visions. The slightly elder gladiatress had a permanent presence, and though Loryn was hardly alone in eyeing her, Loryn was surprised by her own attraction. She didn't usually feel that way about anyone. But why a crush on such a popular athlete? Her own minor performances could never attract Cassandra's attention. Cassandra, whose lips were moving...and attention was on Loryn...oh!

Cassandra eyed her quizically as Loryn pieced together what had just been said. "Oh...yes, yes, I'm ready," Loryn stammered. "I've been practicing a new part to the routine, and I'm lucky to follow the lions." She frowned. "It is...unnerving to see so many leave as I perform. But cats are an enduring form of entertainment. Indeed, the Egyptians..." Even as she rambled, she saw Cassandra's attention wander. Oh dear. "...on walls for thousands of years," she finished, hoping that the words in between had even made sense.

Cassandra smiled encouragingly. "I like your routine better than the cats. I always watch both."

Time stopped. Loryn heard an insistent, rapid thumping, and nothing else.

Somehow the moment passed. The crowd's cheer's peaked, and then trailed off characteristically. Footfalls thumped above them. Big Kitty Ball Time had ended.

"You should go." "Yeah, I should go." They stared at each other for a bit longer, before Cassandra continued further into the locker room, leaving Loryn alone with her heartbeat. "I should go..."

A gladius is a small thing. But polished, and with two companions, Loryn seemed to be juggling stars. She got into the groove of it and managed to forget her nerves for almost the whole routine, until during the final flourish as she hurled a sword between her thighs during a forward cartwheel, she came upright and saw Cassandra cheering in the stands.

Her heart skipped a beat. She had heard the phrase, understood it as metaphor, but this time her own metronomic heart just skipped a beat. Up til that moment she'd been beaming in genuine enthusiasm, but now she fixed the smile as best she could as she fumbled for the falling swords. Catch, catch, catch. And the routine was over.

The crowd's adulation swelled. She drank it in with a few seconds' turn as her lacerated palm screamed. Then she strode for the ramp to the lockers, hoping that she wasn't trailing blood behind her.

Cassandra was all compliments as she bandaged Loryn's hand. She obviously had paid attention; she knew the additions and had liked them. She even had an idea Loryn would like to add. But eventually the bleeding was staunched, and Loryn was tongue-tied, and Cassandra smiled again and left.

Shadows deepened in the lockers and Loryn despaired. She was infatuated and embarrassed. How to confront this? She rubbed her palm, savoring the distracting pain.

Words tumbled out of her into the lonely dark. "Oh Venus...I can't even meet Cassandra halfway. She couldn't have feelings for me...but if she could, if only she would come to me!"

The next week, she watched the Big Kitty Ball Time and savored it. The crowds were beginning to thin, for there were only so many variations on cat-on-ball interactions and the lions seemed to thoroughly explore them every five minutes, but it was a delight.

Shortly before it ended she hurried to the lockers, dressed, and gathered her swords. Then just as she turned to leave for the arena, Cassandra came and stopped her by gently grasping her wrist.

"Loryn, I have an idea for you. At the end of the routine I'd like to come out and do one last thing with you." Loryn started to reply, skepticism clearly clouding her face, but Cassandra hurried on. "We won't need to practice. It'll be easy. Just follow my lead." The older woman released her and continued on into the locker room before Loryn had a chance to agree or demur.

She ended the routine with her big flourish, again launching a sword to the sky during a cartwheel. This time she nailed the catch, snatching each blade nearly by its point. Enough people in the crowd truly appreciated that trick, and the rest followed suit. She beamed and started a turn before a hush fell back over the crowd. Unsure how to handle that, she just kept beaming and turning, until she saw the other woman striding toward her from the lockers.

Cassandra.

In the familiarity of the routine the older gladiatress' idea had slipped her mind. Now the words rushed back in. Just follow her lead. The other woman was just walking. What was Loryn supposed to work with?

Now nervous, Loryn resumed a simple juggling pattern. What did Cassandra usually do again? She was only a few strides away, but her hands didn't seem to be ready to start a doubles routine. And she was still walking--

And then Cassandra was upon her, hands around her waist and lips locked to hers. The crowd gasped. Loryn heard two of the gladii thump into the sand of the arena, and felt the third slice along the side of her outstretched, surprised hands. And then she was leaning into the kiss, and the crowd was cheering.